Pain

I had my cat euthanized yesterday. Let me tell you, that does not make for a fun Saturday to say the least.

She was pretty sick. She had some weird aggressive form of cancer in her face–under her eye, near her jaw. We weren’t expecting to have her for too much longer, but that morning she woke up bleeding out of her eye. I think a piece of it fell out; something did. Basically, she was in bad shape; probably in pain, but I don’t know. She was a trooper about that sort of stuff.

I took her in to get checked out. I didn’t think there was really anything that could be done, but I also didn’t go there with the expectation of putting her down. But after a quick look over, the vet strongly suggested that that’s what we should do. Dad agreed. I was conflicted, and I still am.

I was there for the whole thing. Now, I consider myself pretty emotionally resilient, but that’s not something I can witness again. It’s too much. I swear the cat knew what was going on. We had to pry her from her carrier; she was hissing and growling, jumping away from everyone. She saw me, and I tried to calm her down, but what am I gonna do? Tell her everything’s gonna be OK?

The vet’s assistant held the cat by the back of her neck, and that seemed to calm her a little. I guess it would; that’s what the mother cat does with her kittens. She was still growling, and all the time I’m thinking that this isn’t what she wants after all; she wants to live, even if she’s in pain.

Then they began to sedate her. Her growling lessened, and she started to get sleepy. It was so unnatural-looking; whenever she’s sleepy, she usually curls up into a ball for a nap. But this time, it just looked like her head got too heavy for her to hold up. And right before she faded, she put her paw on my hand. I don’t know. This was either a “thank you” or a “fuck you”. Whichever it was, Scarlet, you gotta believe me; I was just trying to take care of you in the best way I knew how…

I Can’t Even Fill Out One Title

Remember the good ol’ days when my posts had not only a title, but a sub-title? How did I do it? I don’t even know what to start with now as it is.

Is it because so little is going on? Eh, I wouldn’t exactly say that… Hurricane Sandy tore through the area last week, leaving me without power for 4 days. No physical damage though; no floods or anything too bad other than that. But when you’re a video game developer…any amount of time without power is too much! I’m not going to take it for granted again.

Does this mean I’ve been doing more work on side projects? Well, actually, yes–exactly that. Anything to show? Well…my mobile game isn’t done yet, so…no. I mean, if you happen to see me in person, I can show it to you on my phone! But…I’m not going to share it with the Internet just yet. It’s mostly all programmed though; all that’s left is polish–nice art, sound, and frilly little things like particle effects. And, well, making the rest of the levels… And I wanna get this thing off to Android and iOS, preferably at the same time–it’s going to be sort of a challenge, especially with the iOS part, since Apple development sucks ass…but Unity does what it can to soften the blow.

Nothing else really new unfortunately; everything else is just politics as usual. I’m going to try to wrap up my mobile game in…maybe…two or three months? Something like that. I better start thinking up a name…

Well, This is Embarrasing

It’s not like I plan to go months without posting. It’s more like… Months seems to go by without me posting. See? It’s not my fault; it’s time’s fault. Doesn’t that sound better?

And it’s not like nothing has happened. Have I come out with any new games or songs? Well…no. So, those of you who were hoping for that stuff, you can stop reading now. Or, you can continue reading as I attempt to explain myself.

Anyway, um… Let’s see…where to start… Well, first off, I got an apartment with Theo. Cool! So does this mean you guys are gonna pump out tons of new songs? You would think so, right? We’re both horrible slackers, truth be told, so that’s not exactly happening right now. And, us and a few other guys are working on our group project mobile app, and that’s…crawling along. Honestly, six guys on a small platformer game like what we’re working on is just overkill–if we were able to work on it full-time. After work, everyone’s tired and/or busy, and Guild Wars 2 and Borderlands 2 are certainly not helping things…

And then my personal mobile project…is also crawling along. I don’t know. Unity is awesome to work with… In fact, I think that because Unity is so easy to prototype with, what happens is, all these little ideas that I feel like trying out actually do get built…only for me to realize that they stink, and then I don’t follow through. But this particular project–a combination of breakout and pinball–should be solid. I just need to get off my freaking ass and do it. No more excuses!

Other distractions include health-related stuff like back and neck muscle soreness, slowly-deteriorating eyesight (I don’t have glasses yet, but I fear it’s only a matter of time…), and a persistent case of cellulitis (which, after two rounds of antibiotics, should be gone by now… I mean, it looks like it, but…asdwgaqyisfwq). I know, TMI maybe, but…this is part of my alibi!

So, y’know… I’m just… Eh. I don’t know. I don’t know why motivation is so difficult to muster. Even though work has been more interesting recently, I think that the only way I can truly be happy is if I’m self-employed and/or otherwise my own boss. And I know that the only way to get there is to gain experience from these side projects. So why am I sucking so badly lately? Maybe admitting that is the first step back to awesomeness.

A Word

Hey. Yeah, uh… Yeah. Ahem. Guess it’s been a while, eh? Yeah, it’s still me; I’m still here. I just kinda took a cooler for a while since there really wasn’t anything interesting going on… Nothing noteworthy, really.

Well… That’s not totally true. But for a while, I was thinking, “well, there’s no real point to posting if I don’t have a new game or song to share, or even progress on something. No one wants to just read what’s on my mind… That’s what Facebook is for. As a matter of fact, that’s what a lot of people find annoying about Facebook–tons of useless crap that no one wants to hear about. I don’t want my site to be like that.” And yet, here we are.

It’s not that I’ve gotten rusty at my craft. In fact, Theo and I and a few other guys we know are banding together to create a game for mobile devices, using Unity. We only really decided to do this a few weeks ago, but even still, it’s been fun prototyping different game concepts and trying them out (Unity is great for that). I’m also working on another Unity project of my own, which hopefully I’ll develop alongside the team project (after all, I gotta do something while I wait for the rest of the team to catch up, smirk smirk).

And I’m still practicing guitar almost daily. Been trying to rally Theo to practice and record the guitar part to our next song… Though he’s apparently busy (playing SKYRIM! I know! Skyrim. Guy has Diablo 3, and I wouldn’t blame him for wasting time on that (because, after all, I am too), but frickin’ Skyrim! Some people…). But yeah. I still remember playing and recording myself on camera last year… I plan to do that again (at some point. Maybe).

In other news… Hm, let’s see… Uh, well, I turned 24 in April. And… Oh, yeah; skydiving. Did that. And didn’t die! That’s another reason I wanted to post; to prove I did it and survived:

See that? That’s what they make you do: hang halfway out of the airplane for a bit, just chillin’ until they push you out. It was tandem, so I wasn’t worried. I was, however, surprised at how hard it was to breathe. Though, with a wind of 120 mph in my face, I guess I should’ve expected that.

So. That’s…about it for now I guess. I’ll try and get more amusing things to show for next post. And… Maybe next post will be sooner than 3 months away.

Things (And a Side of Stuff)

Hey, hey. Yep; still alive. I know… Didn’t I say there would me more frequent blog posts? Maybe by “more” I meant “less.” Nah, I mean, I hate going so long without a post, but, let’s be honest… Who really cares? No, I mean, I guess I’m so busy doing stuff that I don’t feel like taking time out to write about it!

If only that were the case. While I have been doing a lot of work on my RPG battle engine, I’ve also been hittin’ the Team Fortress 2 pretty hard. I know I gotta stop; this is not healthy. I’m hoping I get bored of the game soon… But it’s a good time when played with friends.

It’s not like work is particularly brutal lately. I’ve been moved over to our social games department and we’re preparing for a Facebook game release soon. So while that experience is pretty stressful, it’s also a little bit exciting. That is, if our online games take off and generous rewards are to be had by all… Even still though, working with Flash is a decent change of pace, even though the end product is still a slot machine. I still get my C++ fix at home with my RPG code.

Really soon! I’m putting together a little RPG battle package (in console form) to sort of test out the gameplay of my battle system. I’ve made a lot of progress (or so I keep saying), and I plan to show it soon.

Stop SOPA!

So much for “more frequent blog posts”… But today is important! No, I don’t have any side project updates (but I will soon; bear with me)… It actually has to do with the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) that’s currently in Congress, and how awful it is.

Don’t know what SOPA is? Well, don’t take my word on it–as you can see, I’m not objective. But it’d behoove you to do a little research and find out for yourself. I’d point you over to Wikipedia but they–along with thousands of other web sites and blogs big and small–are blacking out today as a way to raise awareness. Because if you don’t know about this legislation, you really should–and then you should contact your state’s congressmen and urge them to oppose it.

On the surface, it seems benevolent: SOPA claims to target online piracy and copyright infringement. But after reading into it, there are plenty of things to freak out about. Probably the thing that peeves me the most is not the drastic censorship measures contained within, but that the law leaves the burden of proof on the web site accused of housing copyrighted content. In other words, the site is guilty until proven innocent! That’s right: if someone were to complain that mikebelotti.com is hosting a file–an image of a screenshot of a game, even–that is copyrighted by another company, I’d basically be toast. My site host would drop me, I’d instantly lose any advertisers I had, and my web address would pretty much be dead to the Internet–all on an accusation.

Of course, I would never knowingly post content copyrighted by anyone other than me, but still… Like I said, don’t cite me as your SOPA info source–I’m not unbiased. But it shouldn’t take you long to come to the conclusion that this bill should not be passed in its current form.

Enter Title Here!

Howdy! Happy new year and all that. This post is mostly pointless… I mean, I have no stats to share, or a compiled timeline of significant happenings from 2011, or anything like that. No new years’ resolutions either. So, um…yeah…

Oh, the blog? Yeah, I’m using WordPress now. So, from now on, things should be more organized and coherent, and leaving comments should be easier. I know I’ve always been about doing things myself and not relying on anyone else, but… Well, sometimes, that’s kind of stupid. For what I want, WordPress looks like it’ll do. So here’s to more organized (and more frequent?) blog posts in the new year!

Testing… 1, 2, etc.

This is just a test post. Nothing interesting here… There’s no point in actually reading any further. There’s no point in writing any more either. For all intents and purposes, this new WordPress blog format should integrate nicely into the site. Agreement?